Starlight
Lilo & Stitch's Star Trek version 2
Chapter 19: Chosen Ones and Nebulae

BOOM.

An explosion pulsed through Sector 02.

“Ah! Big sky go boom boom!”

“Is coming of Chosen One!”

“We must bow and wait!”

 

*

 

An Ardinian strolled through Capitol, whistling with his eyes shut.

When he opened them, he was shocked to find that just about everyone was stooped down to him.

“What? Me just go toilet…”

“Look! Is Chosen One!”

“All hail Chosen One!”

 


 

“Er… is time to be waking up now, we’re here!”

“But we can’t cross the river without pickles!”

“Gaba naga pikaba?”

Confused, Jumba tried again.

“’Tis no time for the river-crossing, ‘tis time for the waking up!”

“But we can’t cross the desert without pickles!”

“Gaba naga pikaba?”

“Of cause there is being no pickles, this is being Sector 02!”

“But we can’t eat pickles without pickles!”

“Gaba naga pikaba?”

“OK, that is just being ridiculous… Little Girl, 626, please to be waking up now!”

 


 

“Computer, scan for any spacial anomalies within the sector.”

“Gravimetric sphere detected. Vector 37 mark 939.”

“Good. Set course at half impulse.”

 


 

“Fishface, there’s someone who’d like to talk to you!”

“625, not now, I’m bus… oh no.”

“GANTU! What is this I hear about you not catching yet another experiment! I have just been talking with 625 here, who makes an excellent cheese and tuna sandwich, by the way, and we have decided that the best punishment is revertation.”

“You mean…”

“That’s right… MINIMUM WAGE! MUHAHAHA!”

 


 

Having finally gotten Little Girl and 626 up, Jumba slowly steered the ship towards the cruiser’s EM frequency signal.

“So why did you w-w-wake us up again?” asked Lilo, trying (and failing) to stifle a huge yawn.

“We are being here.”

“So? Why didn’t you wake up P-P-Pleakley?”

“One-eyed noodle is not knowing which way of ship is up!”

“Er… why would we need to know that?”

“You will be seeing…”

“When?”

“Later. First I must be finding out where 628 is to be heading.”

 

*

 

The great ship came to a halt at what seemed to be a giant nebula.

“Jumba to Astrophysics, calculate figures of the mass and send a full report to my computer.”

“I’ve never seen a nebula before… it’s beautiful.”

Jumba chuckled.

“Yes, little girl, ‘tis being very wonderful to the eyes, no?”

“Kinda like jelly and icecream…”

“Ih, with hokey pokey!”

“But what’s that white-hot circular thingy?”

“’Tis being fireflies.”

“Huh?”

“Fireflies, which is being stuck in big bluish-black thing.”

By now Jumba was close to tears, trying hard to muffle a chortle.

“Jumba…”

“Well, ‘tis being… er…”

“…a Type 3 quantum singularity.”

Lilo jumped.

She couldn’t believe who had said that. The noodle-brained empty-headed Plorgarian was describing what a singularity was.

“…whom’s density is extremely… er… dense! One teaspoon would be enough to break an entire Class-C planet apart.”

“Hey, wait just one minute, why is it you are knowing so much about astrophysics?”

“Well, astrophysics was the only subject I got straight A’s on…”

“Then why did you become an Earth expert?”

“Or rather, an Earth non-expert,” mumbled Jumba.

Pleakly chose to ignore that comment.

“I was intrigued by Earth… I got caught up in a ‘Save the Mosquitoes’ demonstration…”

“Which we are all knowing now, is not so endangered.”

“Yes, I know that now, but making them think it is ensures that no-one will disturb this planet for a long time…”

At this, he winked at Jumba.

“You sly imp you! Maybe it is you who is being true evil genius.”

“Yes… of cause, I plan to tell them when the newly proposed “Prime Directive” comes into effect.”

“Prime Directive? What is this prime that is needing directing?”

“No… I mean… it means… that aliens are not allowed to interfere with the technological advancement of any pre-hypertravel civilisation.”

“Does that mean I will be losing my ship?”

“No, Jumba… as long as the humans don’t capture it…”

“Ah, good…”

“Warning: Experiment 628 is engaging hyperdrive,” the computer droned.

“’Tis heading for singularity!” Jumba exclaimed.

 


 

“Waning: proximity to object 464337 is too close. Any attempts to activate hyperdrive can be fatal…”

“I know, I know, just hurry up already!”

Why do these computers have to be all “Warning, eating that ice-cream could be fatal”? 628 thought.

And with a flash and a boom, the cruiser and 628 vanished.


Author's Comment

This chapter rather poorly squashed several narratives into about a page and a half worth of information - it would have been better to split it into two chapters and expand on each plot. Suffice to say, I think I could have done much better.

Chosen Ones: A few people were confused by this chapter's intro sequence, and I'm not suprised - I don't think I made it clear enough what was happening. Basically, I was making a point about how small things like co-incidences can influence basic cultures - here, the blast wave caused by Jumba's ship dropping out of hyperspace causes such a culture (the Ardinians) to worship one being, solely because it co-incided with his arrival.

Pickles: This is a continuity nod - Lilo last dreamed about crossing a river without pickles in Drowsy. Stitch, in his dream, is asking, "Why no pickles?", presumably in response to Lilo's statement.

MINIMUM WAGE!: This joke is rather Narm-worthy - for one thing, I rather much suspect Gantu was already on minimum wage (and being paid in Hamstervielian dollars at that, which are, of course, worthless.) But the randomness of it makes it stick out like a sore thumb. Sure, it wraps up the (rather ill-concieved, IMO) Hamsterviel-625-Gantu subplot, but the fact that it doesn't really flow with the narrative, combined with the hammyness of it (you know it's bad when it's too hammy for Hamterviel...) means that I probably won't include this in future versions.

Fireflies: Of course, a shout-out to The Lion King. This joke seems slightly forced (a fact Lilo notices, as shown by her exasperation. Jumba...!)

A Type-3 singularity: I always loved the idea that Pleakley was smarter than he appeared, and his views on Earth culture weren't down to idiocy more so than faulty information - Pleakley did study Earth Studies at the acadamy, after all. Later, Pleakley also drives the ship, using his knowledge from Galactic Federation Ships for Plorgarians.

One thing I think I overdid was the cast's reactions to Pleakley's unseen smarts - long after I wrote this chapter, I figured that the others would think it was a matter of Pleakley's intellegence being wasted on his Earth Studies rather than not having any in the first place.

Prime Directive: When I started this fanfic, I saw the Galactic Federation as a natural forerunner to the United Federation of Planets, so having laws passed that would become staple standbys in Star Trek seemed like a natural extention of the concept.

And, of course, by leaving Earth as a nature preserve, Pleakley can ensure that it remains undisturbed in its natural technological progress, at least until it's the law's passed. Pleakley lying in his final report to the Federation/Plorgarians also shows how Jumba's been rubbing off on him... ^^

Eating that ice-cream can be fatal: I wanted to get across the idea here that Experiment 628 was rather impatient and irritable. It's not that the experiment is not afraid, it's just that he knows the risks off by heart (as part of the information dumped into his brain by Jumba) and can't be bothered listening to them again.

--MarkKB

Original comments

Ri2 on 16 September 2005 @ an unknown time:

Chosen Ones? The hell?

Does Pleakley know something about the Federation in the future?

Kioko the pirate on 17 September 2005 @ 7:18 a.m.:

This was alittle confusing at times but this was still good. It was also rather funny, update soon. Later.

HeMeleNoLiloLover on 17 September 2005 @ 9:50 a.m.:

It's still a good story, but Jumba's English is better than THAT...

VulcanGirl365 on 14 March 2007 @ 2:11 p.m.:

The prime directive is from Star Trek, aint it? :)

Copyright © 2013 Mark Kéy-Balchin.