Chapter 19: Chosen Ones and Nebulae
An explosion pulsed through Sector 02.
“Ah! Big sky go boom boom!”
“Is coming of Chosen One!”
“We must bow and wait!”
An Ardinian strolled through Capitol, whistling with his eyes shut.
When he opened them, he was shocked to find that just about everyone was stooped down to him.
“What? Me just go toilet…”
“Look! Is Chosen One!”
“All hail Chosen One!”
“Er… is time to be waking up now, we’re here!”
“But we can’t cross the river without pickles!”
“Gaba naga pikaba?”
Confused, Jumba tried again.
“’Tis no time for the river-crossing, ‘tis time for the waking up!”
“But we can’t cross the desert without pickles!”
“Gaba naga pikaba?”
“Of cause there is being no pickles, this is being Sector 02!”
“But we can’t eat pickles without pickles!”
“Gaba naga pikaba?”
“OK, that is just being ridiculous… Little Girl, 626, please to be waking up now!”
“Computer, scan for any spacial anomalies within the sector.”
“Gravimetric sphere detected. Vector 37 mark 939.”
“Good. Set course at half impulse.”
“Fishface, there’s someone who’d like to talk to you!”
“625, not now, I’m bus… oh no.”
“GANTU! What is this I hear about you not catching yet another experiment! I have just been talking with 625 here, who makes an excellent cheese and tuna sandwich, by the way, and we have decided that the best punishment is revertation.”
“That’s right… MINIMUM WAGE! MUHAHAHA!”
Having finally gotten Little Girl and 626 up, Jumba slowly steered the ship towards the cruiser’s EM frequency signal.
“So why did you w-w-wake us up again?” asked Lilo, trying (and failing) to stifle a huge yawn.
“We are being here.”
“So? Why didn’t you wake up P-P-Pleakley?”
“One-eyed noodle is not knowing which way of ship is up!”
“Er… why would we need to know that?”
“You will be seeing…”
“Later. First I must be finding out where 628 is to be heading.”
The great ship came to a halt at what seemed to be a giant nebula.
“Jumba to Astrophysics, calculate figures of the mass and send a full report to my computer.”
“I’ve never seen a nebula before… it’s beautiful.”
“Yes, little girl, ‘tis being very wonderful to the eyes, no?”
“Kinda like jelly and icecream…”
“Ih, with hokey pokey!”
“But what’s that white-hot circular thingy?”
“’Tis being fireflies.”
“Fireflies, which is being stuck in big bluish-black thing.”
By now Jumba was close to tears, trying hard to muffle a chortle.
“Well, ‘tis being… er…”
“…a Type 3 quantum singularity.”
She couldn’t believe who had said that. The noodle-brained empty-headed Plorgarian was describing what a singularity was.
“…whom’s density is extremely… er… dense! One teaspoon would be enough to break an entire Class-C planet apart.”
“Hey, wait just one minute, why is it you are knowing so much about astrophysics?”
“Well, astrophysics was the only subject I got straight A’s on…”
“Then why did you become an Earth expert?”
“Or rather, an Earth non-expert,” mumbled Jumba.
Pleakly chose to ignore that comment.
“I was intrigued by Earth… I got caught up in a ‘Save the Mosquitoes’ demonstration…”
“Which we are all knowing now, is not so endangered.”
“Yes, I know that now, but making them think it is ensures that no-one will disturb this planet for a long time…”
At this, he winked at Jumba.
“You sly imp you! Maybe it is you who is being true evil genius.”
“Yes… of cause, I plan to tell them when the newly proposed “Prime Directive” comes into effect.”
“Prime Directive? What is this prime that is needing directing?”
“No… I mean… it means… that aliens are not allowed to interfere with the technological advancement of any pre-hypertravel civilisation.”
“Does that mean I will be losing my ship?”
“No, Jumba… as long as the humans don’t capture it…”
“Warning: Experiment 628 is engaging hyperdrive,” the computer droned.
“’Tis heading for singularity!” Jumba exclaimed.
“Waning: proximity to object 464337 is too close. Any attempts to activate hyperdrive can be fatal…”
“I know, I know, just hurry up already!”
Why do these computers have to be all “Warning, eating that ice-cream could be fatal”? 628 thought.
And with a flash and a boom, the cruiser and 628 vanished.