Lilo & Stitch's Star Trek version 2
Chapter 32: Nineteen Ninety-Nine

“What are you meaning, the docking arm is too big!” exclaimed Jumba, whilst waving his arms around wildly.

Sisko flinched ever so much.

“Any chance you’re related to Worf?”

“A Klingon? Is impossible!”

“You know him?”

Jumba started sweating slightly.

“Er… not exactly…” he mumbled, swallowing hard in the process.




“Not particularly.”


Lilo was attached to the wall via a rather uncomfortable arm-cuff. Not only that, but she was starting to get an itch in her lower back.

The Borg Queen scanned Lilo’s face. Lilo tried to keep it straight, not yielding any emotion.

“Nineteen ninety-nine. An interesting year, all things considered. Stuff happening all over the pitiful mudball you call a home. Though I believe it was a rather traumatic year for you, what with your parent’s deaths and all…”

“What has that…” she sniffled a little, “…got to do with anything?”

“Oh, isn’t it obvious? Poor pitiful humans, thinking it was all in the nature of things…”

And Lilo put two and two together… the nightmares…

“You were the one I saw!” she blurted out.

The Queen nodded.

“Naturally, I didn’t expect any survivors, so I didn’t bother to be as discreet as I could have been… still; it ended up having an unforeseen effect on your social life, to my advantage… your friends abandoned you and for years you were isolated from your peers, which means they seldom believed your rants about mummies and whatnot. Maybe if they had been more open-minded, one of them wouldn’t be here…”

She paused for a moment, as if to contemplate how life would be like otherwise, before continuing.

“Anyway, moving right along… in came 2002, and with it, your meeting with Experiment 626.”

“His name is Stitch,” Lilo murmured.

“Well, you and… Stitch did not meet by accident. In fact, when my first plot failed, I enlisted the help of Jumba Jookiba…”

“Jumba would never help you!”

“Of cause he wouldn’t… willingly. You see, at the last moment, before that instant of creation, I tapped into Jumba’s files, did a bit of re-routing… a new subroutine was added… subconsciously, this new code told… Stitch to go to Kaua’i, Hawai’i, and carry out the rest of his programming. Alas, the only flaw was that in my rush, I overlooked a small detail: he was programmed to destroy large cities, i.e. with a population of at least two million, where he’d cause the greatest amount of harm. And, alas - I did not know it at the time - Kaua’i had no such cities. Coupled with his density (and thus his aquaphobia), his destructive power’s uselessness, and your unwavering belief in ’ohana, winning him over… well, was as easy as one potato, two potato, three potato, four…

But then I got lucky. Jumba got bored. He created Experiment 628. But this time, all I added was knowledge, of what we were, and how to find us. Did you know that Jumba programmed him to destroy any and all threats to his existence? I used his pride to my advantage… You see, he knew we were out here, all I needed was that extra bit of overwhelming curiosity, such curiosity as found in your companion… if 626 hadn’t have found Jumba’s lab, you would not be in this sitch. 628 lured you out here, it was all just a matter of time before I could add the jewel to my crown, so to speak.”

The Queen smiled – an evil, sneering smile – one that almost made Lilo sick to look at it.

“Now, there’s something I’ve forgotten to tell you… oh yes. How rude of me not to introduce myself all this time! To my… should I say ‘friends’? Peeps? Maybe ‘posse’ is the best way to describe it. Well, to them I’m known as the Borg Queen. But, my real name, before all this, was, and is, Mir…”

She suddenly stopped, as if she had been struck by some all-inspiring idea, or the answer to world hunger.

“Trans-warp conduit dead ahead? Prepare coil for entering the event horizon! And…” she stepped back and let three other Borg come to the fore, “… finish the assimilation process of my latest drone… previous name, Lilo Pelikai.”



“Could you keep it down! I’m trying to read here!”


“OK, OK, sheesh!”

419 returned her eyes to the plans before her.

Boys could be sooo rude! Not to mention loud, obnoxious, gross…

“…and if we survive, we’ll sneak into 419’s room and dump a truckload of shaving cream on her!”

“Ih, yeah!”

“You know, I can hear every word you’re saying!”

Well, not every word. Only when it reached the decibel level of a jet plane at take off…

“I’ve… got to go to… um… the bathroom…”

“Meega too!”

“Whatever,” mumbled 419, not looking up from the schemata of the Dakana.

As long as, whatever it was, they were out of her hair and far away.

Ten minutes passed.

The clock started winding, faster and faster, hands spinning in gaping spirals…

419 whacked the wall. “Stupid broken clock.”

Suddenly, the ship lurched. The crate 419 was perched upon slowly slid toward the right side of the room.

“What the…”

Leaving the blueprints, she walked along the ever-more sloping deck towards the door-side comm. mic with the intention of asking what on Turo was happening.

She had barely got there before being knocked off her feet and slammed against the opposite wall by sudden thrust.

Someone forgot to adjust the inertia dampeners, she thought as she painfully shook her head.

“Now, let’s try that again…”

Author's Comment

No comments right now.

Original author's comment:

Yes, that’s right. No, that’s not a spelling error. Yes, I do know how to spell “Mertle/Mertle”. No, it has nothing to do with phonetics. No, this chapter isn’t confirmation that said spoiled brat isn’t behind it. And no, that last sentence wasn’t confirmation that she is. And no... well, anyway, read, review and enjoy!

Original comments

Kioko the pirate on 25 February 2006 @ 9:40 a.m.:

A little on the short side, but still very interesting.

HeMeleNoLiloLover on 25 February 2006 @ 2:32 p.m.:

Cool chapter. =D

largefish8 on 26 February 2006 @ 2:15 a.m.:

Argh! Lilo's gonna be assimilated.

Nice chapter. I hopw the next one comes soon.

PS: I know a great Star trek info site with tons on all things trekky. Answer if you want the URL.

Stitchfan 82 on 28 February 2006 @ 10:32 a.m.:

Oh god oh god they goto assimilated. Pore Lilo
I have never been more afraid of the borg as I am now.
I can’t believe the Jumba left Lilo behind. Stitch should have strangled hem.
Lilo a borg the hoarer.

Ted on 28 March 2006 @ 9:33 p.m.:

I'm enjoying this, though the fact that the 'Star Trek' tv shows are mentioned while, in the same story, characters from those same shows appear kind of threw me out of the story a bit.

Also, I'm not sure what purpose 419 and 426 have in the story.

Copyright © 2013 Mark Kéy-Balchin.